i've been having a tough time with them lately. my closest girls: vanessa, marella, michelle, and nina. i have no problem with them. i honestly don't. but sometimes, i feel like i annoy them. i eat all their food, i freeload, i feel like i act like a total bitch to them. what kind of a friend am i? sure, i have other people i'm good friends with. sometimes, i feel like i treat them better than how i treat these four. and i don't feel like i'm being a good friend to them. i listen to them when they have problems, but i feel like i should do more than just that. i was kinda down at lunch today. cause i felt alone. even with all the people around me. i just feel like i haven't been a good friend to them and in turn, made me feel like i have no real legit best friends. augh, having a guilty conscience sucks.
and then, there's susan and aj. there was this whole dilemma thing while me and aj were going out. everything's cleared up again, and me and susan are good friends. i'd like to say the same with aj, but i don't even know anymore. i doubt we're gonna be friends again. sure, i'm not over him. but the least i deserve from him is his friendship, especially when we didn't break up on good terms. besides that, i feel like my breakup took a toll on me and marella's friendship. i hate venting to her sometimes just because i know aj vents to her too. i don't want her to have to choose between us two, y'know? it's not fair to her. and me and susan being friends. i just don't want it to impact me and marella's friendship either. sure, i didn't like her while me and aj were going out, but i mean. everything's good now. i just don't want marella thinking that i was/am being fake this whole time. augh.
this is all just a test. God, grant me the strength to pass it with flying colors. <3
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
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2 comments:
so this is why you looked upset after?
you are a good friend, dear. you listen to what we have to vent out. you help out with our problems. i don't mind giving you my fries and sharing my lunch even if i'm hungry because i know you're hungry too. i always have my salad to feed me. sure there are times where you have your moments. but who doesn't? i know i can be annoying sometimes. don't worry about it too much. thinking about it alot can hurt your head. <3333.
i know how you're feeling esp with that whole in a big crowd but feeling alone type thing. i gotchu. keep youre head uppppp & stay shinin biatch <333
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