hmph.

since everyone's making lists, might as well. instead of a list of random things, i'll make mine a list of wishes.

1. i wish we could still be friends.
2. i wish you realized how much i miss you.
3. i wish i was a better dancer.
4. i wish you realized that the time we spent wasn't wasted.
5. i wish i was more motivated.
6. i wish my parents wouldn't argue about stupid shit all the time.
7. i wish my parents trusted me more.
8. i wish i could trust myself more.
9. i wish i could find a boyfriend that is more understanding of who i am.
10. i wish my relationship with God was closer.
11. i wish i wasn't ugly.
12. i wish guys weren't so superficial.
13. i wish i could stop being superficial.
14. i wish i could stop being so insecure.
15. i wish i had the strength to deal with my dilemmas.
16. i wish i was more open to talking about my situations.
17. i wish i could make my parents proud.
18. i wish i could be proud of myself.
19. i wish i was likable.
20. i wish i was nicer.
21. i wish my flaws would go away.
22. i wish life wasn't so overwhelming.
23. i wish i knew what you were thinking when you hurt me.

that's all i can think of right now. but whatever. i guess i'll just vent. i wish i was a better dancer. i love FR3SH and i feel like i'm getting better, but i feel like i could be A LOT better. i don't understand why they can't tell us what we're doing wrong. they do sometimes, but it's selective. i still haven't had my evaluations yet. fucking wonderful. cause that's how i'm gonna get better.

i'm not completely over you yet. i can't help think about all the fun times we've had. i miss it so much. i miss being in your company. i miss the way you used to hug me and cuddle with me. i miss the way you kissed me. i don't fucking understand. i really don't. i still think about you everyday. i can't bear to part with your stuff yet. it's basically all i have left of you. i don't wanna have to let it go. i don't wanna have to let you go. i'm slowly moving on. i have crushes here and there. and i might even have feelings for this one guy. but that still doesn't change the way i feel or felt about you.

my family life sucks. sometimes, i don't see my mom for 2 - 3 days. and 99.9% of the time i do see her, she's arguing with my stepfather. i ESPECIALLY hate it when they argue right in front of me or in my room and it's not even about me. i love my mom and all, but she's so nosy. i don't understand why she can't understand that in this generation, there are some things that are just meant to be personal. when the time is right, i'll tell her certain things, but until then, she needs to keep her nose out of my business. there's also the whole money situation, but i won't get into it. it's too depressing to talk about.

augh yay life.