what the fuck is up with the world.

i have no fucking idea why everything's so ugly. the weather, my love life, my activities. i feel like i'm always on this rollercoaster where there's some high points about it and then, a dramatic decline. it fucking sucks, but what can i do.

marching band. this past thursday, i auditioned to be drum major along with two of my friends. we all knew it was only gonna be one of us and we said to each other that no matter what, it wouldn't change anything between the three of us. secretly, me and one of the other candidates didn't want the third candidate to get it. but he did. congratufuckinglations. both of us took it pretty hard. i don't know why i cared so much. my strive to become a leader and inspire people keeps getting shot down. because of this, i just feel like i'm not destined to lead anything. maybe i don't have any qualities of a leader. maybe i'm just not good enough. maybe i just suck at life and i should just stay one of those people that always follows everyone else. FUCK that. i don't wanna be a follower. i want people to follow me. i want people to look up to me and say, "damn. he's pretty inspirational. i wanna be like him someday." maybe this wasn't my time. i just feel bad for wanting to quit though. honestly, no one would listen to him. it's stupid. but, whatever. i don't give a shit anymore.

love life. fuck it. i hate assholes that lead you on and then leave you to just bite the dust. i mean, sure i was probably in the wrong place trying to get at you while you were most vulnerable. but for you to say you had some feelings for me and then go back to your fucking exboyfriend? what kind of bullshit is that. after all the shit you tell me, "he's never gonna change. he's always gonna be the same. blahblahblah." FUCK that. are you kidding me? sure, you LOVE him. bullshit. trust me, i've been there and done that with him. he's so immature and is just UGH. you asked me before if i was mad at you. secretly, i was. but i just told myself to get over it cause of the possibility of an "us." but you know what? now i AM mad. i HATE HATE HATE getting led on. what's the fucking point of that? to toy with my emotions? who fucking does that? good luck with your fucking ex. i hope you guys get AIDS or something. shit.


yes, this blog is quite angry. but you know what? i'm an angry person right now. so screw it! let it be angry. :]