a hellish nightmare.

that's what my life has been recently. i just don't even know what to do.

i don't fucking understand why. why would you hurt me like this. i gave you everything. i was so damn good to you. i fucking loved you. like a devoted, committed boyfriend should. i thought we had so much going for us. you fucking told me i was different. i thought you loved me just as much as i loved you. sure, i may be throwing the word "love" around right now, but it's true. i did love you. i still do. i will never forget the fun, happy moments we've had. it hurts right now, but i guess it's for the best. i will never stop loving you. yeah, i may move on, but that doesn't mean i'll stop loving you. if you decide to come back to me, i'd take you back in a heartbeat, only with the reassurance that i am what you want.

we didn't break up on bad terms. so why not be friends? we could still enjoy the same fun memories we had before, just not as intimate, nahmeans? idk why you gotta play the "idk, we'll see how things work out" card on me. it's either you wanna be friends or not. cause honestly, i deserve at least that. i did nothing wrong to you and i gave you everything. the least you could give me is your friendship. of course it's gonna take awhile, friendships don't pop up overnight. but i'm gonna work my damn hardest for us to be friends again. i wanna be one of those people you can turn to when you're feeling down. i wanna be a good friend to you, no matter how much you hurt me.

i love you. i miss you. i will always. but for now, i'm done hurting. i'm trying my best to continue with life. and i'm doing it one day at a time. miss independent, holla atcho girl.


so anyways. i got into states for DECA. idk whether i should be happy about it or not. i wanted to be happy about it. a whole weekend in south jersey and with my friends? that's fuckin' awesome. it's just, life has got me in a really bad position right now. moving on is one of the hardest things to do. i'm not saying it's gonna happen overnight, but hey. one step at a time.

i don't go a day without thinking of you. i was told i deserve better, but it doesn't matter in the end, cause you were the one person who made me happy.